priya prasad

laugh at me > read my thoughts > book me > tell me I'm pretty

Single? So what...

I've been asked this question a few times recently, I never know how to answer so, here are my thoughts, not ALL my thoughts just the ones that come to mind in this moment:

What does it mean to be a single woman today at my age (37)? Does it mean I am doomed to live a lonely life with my cat and Vogue mag subscriptions eating Snickers bars and and trying to apply Tiger Balm on my own achy back??  I seriously hope not.

The thing is, I don't want to get online and search for a man. I don't knock those who do, but it doesn't behoove me to try and describe myself in 40 characters or less and hope that this site will match me with a guy who likes 2Pac & Biggie, a good wine n' cheese pairing and 90's Bollywood movies.

I'm an onion, as they say, and I have layers, and I guess I don't trust that a website can capture ME accurately. Like literally I love raw onions... who's gonna read that and wanna kiss me?? How do I put raw onions under "likes" and not get matched with a weirdo who spends his evenings searching for vampires? And then there is the world outside the inter-world...the real world where everyone is staring at the inter-world on their phones all day. Do people actually meet the old fashioned way anymore? I guess the old-fashioned way would be with a match-maker or at a family reunion when your uncle thinks your second cousin is a good match for you. I don't want that either.

I want to go to a Starbucks and happen to be in line behind the man of my dreams, when he turns around to comment on how he is sure they will get his name wrong on his order I'll laugh and sparks will fly...or I want to get into a minor car accident with the guy who will turn out to be my major soul mate. Am I living in a fantasy world? Is this too much to ask the universe? Possibly, but I guess I am ok with that. I am ok waiting for that one magical moment because as much as most women my age have been through in relationships I am determined to hold on to a sense of optimism. Some call it naivety others call it a positive outlook. I am certain that the "across the room chemistry" can happen. It should feel like kismet, and I've seen it happen to others, why not me?

I hate when they say "there are a million fish in the sea" I've dated those fish and they stink. I just want 1 Loch Ness to stand apart from the others. A guy who doesn't mind that I need to sleep on the side of the bed closest to the phone, because otherwise I feel claustrophobic, or that I unconsciously shake my legs when I am concentrating on something, or that I have had sweaty hands and feet my whole life and psoriasis behind my ears...he doesn't mind these things because I am also someone who loves hard, and puts family first, who would rather be in pain herself if it means saving someone else, who gives the best massages, who has traveled to far off lands, who can cook up a storm and can make the perfect Michelada, who loves to laugh and live and love.

So to answer my first question, what does it mean to be single in today's world at this age? It means that I have a stronger sense of self but I am still learning. That I know what I want and what I will not entertain. That I will find my match at the same time I'm aware that the possibility exists I may not... but none of that will make or break me. It means that through all of life's trials and tribulations I will continue to learn how to love me because that is all I can control. Like Talib Kweli says: "Kneeling and praying that the lord and us will help us love ourselves. So much that the confidence will attract someone else...".

I've only gotten through a little over a 1/3 of what could be my lifetime. I have so many more experiences to have and people to meet and countries to see and cultures to learn about, I hope that I will get to do these things one day with that ONE guy and I'll keep a candle lit for that day that he shows up in my life, but till then...Today I am a 37 year old woman who is not afraid of single-hood or onions.